


A Rose In the Garden

by Kedavranox



Series: Death's Dream Kingdom [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Betrayal, Confessions, Drarry, Emotional Hurt, Ficlet, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kedavranox/pseuds/Kedavranox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco faces the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rose In the Garden

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet is set eight years before 'In Death's Dream Kingdom'

**A Rose In the Garden**

I spot him sitting alone at one of the round tables in the corner of the garden. A ‘Happy Birthday, Rose!’ balloon floats aimlessly over his head and he stares into space, trailing his fingers around the edge of his glass. He looks almost... defeated. His shoulders are hunched; his face is pale. The lines in the corner of his eyes don’t look like laugh lines anymore. He hasn’t laughed in almost six days, and I know it’s because of me.

I’m almost too afraid to walk over to him, but as I’m gathering my courage, Hermione steps out into the garden in front of me. Her bushy hair is pulled back into a haphazard bun; her face is flushed and pretty. I smile weakly at her, and she grins at me.

‘Draco, you’ve made it!’ she says, leaning over and kissing me lightly on the cheek.

She looks over her shoulder at Harry, and says, ‘Look who it is, Harry.’

Harry finally looks up at me, but his expression doesn’t change. He doesn’t seem happy or surprised; he doesn’t seem upset or angry. He looks almost... resigned at my very presence. That hurts a bit more than all the arguments we've had over the last six days, and I’m not sure why. He squares his shoulders and stands slowly, knocking back the rest of the drink, before walking over to us.

Hermione looks back at me with a small frown. ‘Maybe you can figure out what his problem is,’ she says quickly before Harry approaches us. ‘He’s had enough to drink already, I think.’

My stomach sinks at that. He’s been drinking more than usual for the last few days, and it worries me, but I know I can’t be the one to tell him to stop. I don’t have the right to anymore.

When Harry reaches us, he only glances at me briefly. ‘Excellent,’ he says softly. ‘Now Rose can finally cut her cake after waiting for almost three hours.’

Hermione looks at me, with an apologetic glance, and I almost feel sick. I don’t deserve her sympathy. If she knew what I’d done, she wouldn’t be looking at me the way she is now.

‘It’s quite all right, Draco,’ she says, smiling. ‘I’m sure you had good reason.’

Harry looks up at that, his green eyes blazing behind his glasses. ‘Did you?’ he murmurs.

I don't answer him. ‘Hermione, you didn’t have to wait,’ I say, tearing my eyes away from his unrelenting gaze.

Hermione raises her eyebrows. ‘Oh that wasn’t my doing,’ she says. ‘Rose wouldn’t hear of cutting the cake without her two godfathers.’ She looks between Harry and me. ‘I’ll let you two sort out whatever it is you have brewing, but handle it quickly. We’re going to cut the cake in the garden. Everyone will be out soon.’

I nod, and stuff my hands into my pocket as she walks inside. When I look at Harry, he’s staring at me with an inscrutable expression. I almost wish I could see inside his head the way sometimes, it seems, he can see into mine.

That’s how this whole mess started wasn’t it? Well, no, if I’m honest with myself, it really wasn’t. It started that night in the pub. I still don't know why I did it. I still don't know how Harry figured it out. But, I know I made it ten times worse by not telling him. I wanted to. I burned with it every day.

Every morning when Harry would say those three words to me, it made it harder. I know there’s a chance those words could stop, and I don’t want them to. Ever. Even though I don’t deserve to hear them anymore. Even though, I’m not sure if he still means it. I don’t know if he feels the same.

‘You’re late,’ he says.

I shrug. ‘I didn't think you’d want me here.’

Harry’s eyes narrow into dangerous slits, and he steps in closer to me. ‘You selfish fuck,’ he says softly. ‘It’s Rose’s birthday. This has nothing to do with us.’

I swallow thickly, and look briefly inside. Everyone is gathering around Hermione and Molly carefully sticking nine candles into Rose’s birthday cake. Rose, herself, looks enchanting. Her auburn curls are separated into two pigtails that bounce on her shoulders. She looks up at me, and her face lights up, and although I can’t hear her from the garden, I can see her mouth making the words ‘Uncle Draco!’

How could I have been so stupid? If I lose Harry, I lose everything. Rose, Hugo --Teddy. Molly. Everyone. My whole family. I lift my chin so that the tears won’t come. 

When I look back at Harry, he’s looking at the floor, his expression tight. My heart aches, and I want do something. To reach out to him. To say, ‘I’m sorry’ for the millionth time, but I know, that if I say it now again, it would only upset him more.

Six days ago, Harry looked up at me over breakfast and said, ‘You fucked someone, didn’t you?’ in a voice so calm I had to take a moment to realise what he had said. I didn’t answer for a long time. I didn’t need to. Harry just stared at me for what seemed like hours, then stood and left the table. Since then, we haven’t even begun to make a dent in all the pent up hurt and frustration I've created.

I swallow the lump in my throat, and look at him. He’s been my lover for the past ten years, my husband for three. If I lose him now, I think I might lose my mind.

‘You should go inside,’ he says without looking at me. ‘You can give her our present,’ he glances at me briefly. ‘I left it for you.’

I reach out to touch his arm, and he flinches away from me. ‘Don’t,’ he says softly. Then he turns and retreats back to the table in the garden, and back to stare into his empty glass.

:::

‘Rose, Hugo, it’s time for bed!’

I smile faintly at the collective groans around the table. Both Rose and Hugo were already half asleep, yet at their mother’s call, they’re wide eyed and ready to complain. Most of the older teens were out in near the lake, doing whatever it is teens got up to on a hot, summer night, and the adults were gathered around in the back garden, drinking and laughing. Except for Harry, who I haven’t been able to clap an eye on since I arrived.

‘But, Mum, it’s _my_ birthday!’

Hermione sticks her head out into the garden. ‘I won’t say it twice, Rose,’ she says. ‘Pack up your things and tell everyone goodnight. You, too, Hugo.’

Hugo rolls his eyes and dutifully does as his mother says, while Rose takes an unnecessary amount of time, fiddling with her brand new potions set, the gift Harry and I decided on together almost two weeks ago.

I watch, amused and distracted, sipping on my beer as she tells everyone goodnight, and bribes her brother into taking her potions kit upstairs for her. She comes over to me last and sits in my lap. I kiss her forehead, and breathe in her scent, not quite still a baby smell, but still, baby enough to make my heart melt.

‘Thank you for coming to my party,’ she says, fiddling with my collar.

I smile. ‘Thank you for inviting me.’

She looks up at me, her hazel eyes bright. ‘Uncle Draco,’ she says solemnly. ‘You love Uncle Harry, don’t you?’

My throat feels uncomfortably tight, and I shift, holding her a little closer to me. ‘Very much, sweetheart,’ I say.

She looks up at me, her eyes wide. ‘Then why--’

Hermione’s voice drifts into the garden. ‘Rose! Get in here!’

‘Coming, Mum!’

Rose looks back and me, chewing on her lip nervously. I prod her gently. ‘What is it, Rose?’

She looks down at my shirt collar and fiddles with the buttons there. ‘Uncle Harry’s sad.’

My heart speeds up. ‘Why do you say that, love?’

‘Well, don’t tell anyone,’ she says. ‘But, I heard him crying in the bathroom.’

I shift her to the side, and rest my beer bottle on the table. ‘Are you sure, Rosie?’

She nods, and I lift her set her gently on her feet. ‘It’s okay. I’m sure he’s fine,’ I say, forcing a smile. ‘I’ll go check on him, but you know Uncle Harry.’ I ruffle her hair, and she scowls at me good-naturedly. ‘He’s the bravest wizard in the world, isn’t he? He’ll be all right.’

‘I suppose so,’ she says, giving me a sceptical glance. When her mother calls her again, she rolls her eyes, gives me a final kiss on the cheek and runs inside.

I sit back down in my chair again, and drain the rest of my beer, thinking about what to do. The image of Harry doubled over, crying alone in the bathroom because of something I did leaves me feeling absolutely gutted. Harry’s a strong wizard, stronger than I am, but even he has his breaking point. I’ve seen the scars on his arms and legs to prove it. If I put him back in that place, I’ll never forgive myself. As it is, I already know I don’t deserve forgiveness. 

Molly’s voice comes wafting into the garden from inside the house. ‘Why don’t you find Draco? He’s been sitting there alone all evening. I don’t know what’s gotten into to you two, but you best sort it out quickly.’

My heart begins to thunder in my chest, and sure enough, Harry comes thundering down the short steps, to the garden, but he walks swiftly past my table and out into the wilder bushes. I curse under my breath and follow him.

He doesn’t turn to acknowledge me, he only keeps walking until we’re on the opposite site of the lake from where are the teenaged Weasleys are mucking about in the water.

He stops abruptly and drops down onto the grass. I can tell even from where I’m standing a few feet away from him that he’s absolutely pissed. His body sways a little bit and he catches himself with his palm flat on the earth. I cast a swift _Lumos_ and sit beside him, resting my wand in the grass and catching him when he tilts again, letting him lean on my side.

Harry’s drunk at a family gathering, his goddaughter’s birthday no less, and I know he’ll be horrified in the morning. He’ll blame himself when he ought to blame me. I close my eyes briefly. 

If I could just take those few minutes back, those few drunken, delirious minutes just before I made the worst decision of my life, before I took that twink into the loo with me, and broke the vows I wrote myself, I wouldn’t be in this mess. _We_ wouldn’t be in this mess. 

Harry pushes himself off of me and pulls his knees forward, resting his chin on his knee caps. ‘Why did you follow me?’

‘I haven’t been able to talk to you all day.’

‘I’ve been avoiding you,’ he says. He looks up at me and his eyes are tinged red. Anyone else might think it was the drink, but I know it’s because what Rose said is the truth, and Harry’s been crying, alone, without me. The confirmation hits me in the chest like a brick, and I lift a shaking hand to touch him, then I think better of it, and rest them ineffectively in my lap.

‘I know you have,’ I say.

Harry looks away from me, at Teddy jumping into the lake like some sort of wild animal.

‘I changed my mind,’ he says. ‘I want to know.’

I open my mouth briefly, and then I look out onto the water. ‘What exactly do you want to know, Harry?’

‘Everything.’

‘I really don’t think--’

‘Fuck what you think.’

I turn to face him. He’s clenching his jaw and looking out onto the water.

I sigh and look away. ‘I was drunk.’

Harry makes a swift, uncontrollable movement, and he turns to look at me. ‘Try telling the story without making excuses for yourself,’ he says quietly.

I clench my fists and then I force myself to relax. ‘All right,’ I say. ‘He was cruising me all night. I flirted with him. He kept buying me drinks. Then Blaise left.’

I swallow the lump in my throat. Harry’s face is carefully blank, but in the wandlight, I can still see the shadows in his eyes. I don’t know why he wants to hear this. If it were the other way around...I could never bear to hear it. To think about him with someone else...I can’t even fathom the amount of pain I’ve put him through.

‘Go on,’ Harry says, gripping his knees tight.

‘We ended up in the loo.’ 

‘Did you suggest that, or did he?’

‘Does it matter?’

Harry grips his knees tight. ‘Just answer the fucking question, Draco.’ When his voice cracks on my name, I almost reach out to him again, but I resist. I know he’ll probably cuff me in the face if I do.

‘He did. He grabbed my hand and led me inside,’ I say softly. ‘But I didn’t resist. When we got there, he pulled me into a stall, and I let him suck me off.’

‘What did he look like?’

I clear my throat, trying to dispel some of the painful tightness there. ‘I don’t really remember. Short, brown hair, blue eyes.’

‘Did he kiss you?’

I lick my lips slowly. ‘Yes.’

‘Did you kiss him back?’

I hesitate. ‘Yes.’

I hiss in pain when his stinging hex hits me hard on the inside of my wrist.

He looks up at me, eyes wide. ‘I didn’t mean to do that,’ he says without much regret in his voice.

I rub my wrist. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Harry looks down at the earth beneath his feet. ‘Do you know what I kept thinking about today?’ he asks. ‘Our stupid fucking wedding.’

His words land like shards of glass striking in my chest. I know --I do understand that I deserve everything he throws at me, but to hear one of the best days of my pathetic life referred to in that way cuts dangerously close to the bone.

Harry glances at me with a reckless look in his eyes, but his expression falters when he sees the way I’m looking at him.

‘You don’t get to cry,’ he says.

I nod, and wipe my face quickly. ‘I know I don’t.’

He studies me quietly, his hand twitches slightly, and I think, maybe he’s going to reach out for me at last, but, he doesn’t.

‘Why on earth did we decide to get married here?’ he asks suddenly

‘So my parents would be properly narked, of course.’

A ghost of a smile flickers on Harry’s face. ‘The thing is,’ he says. ‘I’m stuck with you, now. It’s a done deal.’

My stomach starts whirling in deep circles that shoot straight down to my nerves, and for a moment, it’s almost as if I can’t breathe. I look away from him, because I can’t bear to be watching him as I say what I have to say. ‘You don’t have to be, Harry.’

Harry looks at me briefly. ‘Is that it then?’ he says, his voice completely devoid of any kind of emotion. ‘Is that what this has been about?’

‘Harry, I don’t know what you want me to say.’

‘I knew you didn’t want to get married. _I knew it._ But I forced you anyway.’

‘You didn’t force me.’

‘And now I’m paying for it, I suppose,’ he says, continuing as though I’d never spoken. ‘Couldn’t you have just asked for a divorce like a normal person? Or is this the way purebloods sever their marriage bonds?’

‘I don’t want a divorce, Harry!’

‘Then what? What was the point of it?’ Harry shouts, finally turning himself to face me, although he sways slightly when he does it.

‘It was a mistake, Harry. I fucked up. I’m a stupid fucking tosser. I don’t deserve you.’ I take a deep breath and force myself to meet his gaze. ‘I’m just saying that if you want-- if you want to leave me, I understand. I betrayed you. There's no denying that.’

‘But _why_ did you do it? You must have a reason, Draco. Don’t tell me you don’t know!’

I shift uncomfortably and run my fingers through my hair. ‘If I answer honestly, you’re going to think it’s something it’s not.’

Harry sighs. ‘Just...talk to me, Draco,’ he says. ‘I’m still me. You used to tell me everything.’

I look across the lake to find that Teddy and the others have gone inside, and we’re alone by the lake’s edge.

‘After we got married, I started having this feeling. I don’t know how to explain it. It felt like I was losing control. I instantly became part of your family; my parents cut me off. You started talking about kids. We were thinking about moving. Teddy moved out. Everything was happening too fast. It was too much. Then I had that case. I never saw you anymore, you were gone in the mornings --working on something new, I guess.’ I look over at Harry. ‘You know how I feel about control. It’s me, it’s _my_ hangup. This is my fault. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t anything you did. And, I’m not saying that I didn’t want to marry you. Marrying you was the best decision I’ve ever made. I know the way this looks. And I know I’m asking too much of you to forgive me, after all I’ve done. But, Harry, I need you. I love you. And...I’m sorry.’

Harry abruptly stands and walks away from me, leaning over, resting his palm on a tree trunk. He hunches over and vomits. For a moment the sound of his retching -the liquid splashing against the wide, flat leaves of the bushes, and the soft ripple of the lake are the only sounds in the Universe. 

I grab my wand and go to him, and I tentatively rest my palm on his back, rubbing in slow circles to soothe him. At first, he tenses and, I think he’s going to pull away, but then he sighs and leans into me when he straightens up.

‘God that tastes disgusting. Will you cast a cleansing charm, please.’

I nod and do as he asks, cleaning his shirt and doing what I can to make his mouth taste less unpleasant. When I’m finished, we stare at each other wordlessly. I don’t know what to do. I want to hold him, I want to get on my knees and beg. I want to say the things that have been going through my head on repeat for the last few days.

_I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me._

Instead I hold him at arm’s length, steady him, and ask him if he’s okay.

Harry shakes his head slowly and then he leans against me. He fits under my chin; he fits into all of my empty spaces. ‘I fucking hate you,’ he says into my chest, gripping my arms tightly. 

‘I know,’ I say, holding onto him, steadying him. I want to weep for what I’ve done to him, but, Harry’s right. I don’t get to cry. Not today.

‘Take me home, Draco,’ he murmurs against my neck.

I sigh deeply and my breath hitches in my chest. In the six days since he asked me that question over breakfast, Harry hasn’t touched me, but now, as he’s pressed against me, I can feel the bond we made just three years ago, and the magic flowing between us, connecting us. I can feel his love there, still strong, though a little bit broken, like his heart...and mine.

I Apparate us both home, and in the hallway, he wraps his arms around my waist, and he doesn’t let me go.

__

fin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the DaisyChain Drabs community on LJ. Originally posted [here](http://kedavranox.livejournal.com/18230.html)   
> Thanks to Mab for the speedy beta.


End file.
